My big dilemma

I have a BIG BIG dilemma at the moment. I am going to finish my PhD soonish (good grief, I must, I am already a year late!!). So I need to decide what to do next around nowish. Because if I want to do a postdoc, especially an overseas postdoc, I need to organise it soon.

I am finishing a PhD in astronomy. I like what I do. I love numbers, I love data analysis, I like lecturing. And now is exactly the right time to be in astronomy in South Africa - astronomy is really booming. We have lots of big astronomy projects going on (SALT, MeerKAT, SKA), there are lots of opportunities in astronomy. The South African government, almost inexplicably, is enthusiastically backing astronomy projects.

So it almost seems like a "for such a time as this" thing.

So if I want to launch myself into a career as an astronomer, what I should probably do now is a postdoc overseas somewhere. Spend a year or two getting some international exposure, making some contacts, learning some skills, getting some experience. Then I could either carry on working overseas. Or come back home and bring my experience back, join the astronomy community here.

I really don't want to settle overseas. I suppose that could change, but for the moment I really really want to settle in South Africa. So doesn't the second option above just sound ideal? Go overseas, work in some interesting research group, bring the skills back home and join one of the astronomy teams here!

But here is the thing. Whenever I talk about doing a postdoc overseas, I cry. This is not an exaggeration, I really cry. Its by force of will that I surf the web looking for info on overseas postdocs. I just desperately desperately don't want to leave SA.

Its not about leaving family or friends, although I will be sad to leave family and friends. It is hard to understand even for myself exactly what it is about. But somehow the thought of leaving SA just makes my heart break.

I have travelled overseas before, to Australia for about a week and to the US for a month or two at a time a few times for work. I'm not afraid of being lonely. I like to travel. I like experiencing different parts of the world.

Maybe I'm just being a diva, I don't know. I went to a panel discussion about "The state of our constitutional democracy" this evening, which was pretty good. And as one of the panelists was ending off an answer to a question I thought about leaving SA and I got all tearful all over again.

I really don't know why I am being so weird about this. I could grit my teeth and survive two years somewhere far away for the sake of learning. And I'm pretty easy going, I'd probably be happy pretty much anywhere.

So why am I making such a fuss?

I don't know really. Sometimes I battle to figure out what is going on in my own heart. I think it may be because I am so conflicted on what I want to do with my life. There is this part of me that loves loves loves numbers, maths, thinking through complex things, mastering a problem, computer coding, data analysis.
But there is this other part of me that worries very very very much about the state of our schools. And Home Affairs. A part of me that things TEACH South Africa is the coolest project ever. And the Equal Education campaign - wonderful. And there is a part of me that feels very strongly that we need as a nation to unearth and study our own literature. And that we need more mobile libraries. And and and... :)

Gah, it sounds like I am saying "I want to make a difference in the world." How utterly cheesy. I suppose that is sort of what I am saying though.

If I live my life, do my science, get some great exposure overseas, do some cool research, come back home and get a nice post somewhere and write papers and maybe get a "Prof" before my name. Well, for what?

I want the story about my life to be about more than me, you know?

So I suppose I'm saying that the path of career advancement, it just feels a bit empty.

But I don't know where that leaves me really.
Because... I actually do like what I do. And I want to be good at what I do. And its not as if I have a burning passion to do anything else.

Then there is the other factor, which could be an entire other post on its own. What I do is really difficult. Intellectually difficult, and also difficult because the way to move forward in my field is really to put yourself out there. Meet people, make contacts. Science research is all about collaberation. It is completely telling, for example, that when my supervisor and I made an arrangement to meet at a workshop next week, we made it to meet at the workshop cocktail party. Being a sucessful scientist is all about speaking to the right people at cocktail parties.

I'm sure there are lots of fields like that, actually. But I'm just not sure that I myself am cut out for that sort of thing. It makes my stomach hurt just thinking about that sort of thing.

Oh dear!!

Advice??

Something to think about

One of these is a paraphrase of a statement that I heard Dr Oz make on Oprah tonight:

People of far-Eastern descent are missing the enzyme in their liver that breaks down alcohol. This is why in their cultures they mostly drink drinks that have been boiled (like teas) rather than fermented (alcohol).

People of far-Eastern descent are missing the enzyme in their liver that breaks down alcohol. This is because in their cultures they mostly drink drinks that have been boiled (like teas) rather than fermented (alcohol).

Two fundamentally different statements! Want to guess which statement he made? Which one would you say is true?


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You get what you measure

"Too much and too long, we seem to have surrendered community excellence and community values in the mere accumulation of material things. ... The gross national product does not [measure] the health of our children, the quality of their education, or the joy of their play. It does not include the beauty of our poetry or the strength of our marriages; the intelligence of our public debate or the integrity of our public officials.
It measures neither our wit nor our courage; neither our wisdom nor our learning; neither our compassion nor our devotion to our country; it measures everything, in short, except that which makes life worthwhile."

Spoken by Robert Kennedy in the US in 1968. True in SA in 2009.

Stolen from Roger's blog.

What an incredibly insightful quote! We measure RDP houses built, but not families in homes. We measure unemployment statistics, but not the ability of young people to enter the job market. Or the excitement of your first pay check. We measure pass rates, not the pride of parents watching their children excel. We measure crime stats, but not the feeling of safety in your home. Or relationships with our next door neighbours. We measure death rates, but not grandparents loving their grandchildren.


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Ben Trovato's application to the Canadian Review board

Because it made me smile:

"Application to William Davis, Grand Wizard of the Immigration and Refugee Board of Canada"
by Ben Trovato.


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1 school 1 library 1 librarian

Last night I went to a talk by Zackie Achmadt about access to education in the New South Africa. It was very good, I left really inspired! The work they are doing is so great. He has moved away from TAC, handing it over to the next generation of leaders. He is now involved in an organisation called Equal Education, which seems to be an activist organisation that fights for education in a similar way that TAC fought for HIV/AIDS related issues.

One of the Equal Education projects is called "1 school 1 library 1 librarian" - they are campaigning for school libraries. IOL reports that "There are functional libraries at only four of Khayelitsha's 53 public schools serving 57 000 pupils" (here).

I have mixed feelings about the need for school libraries myself. I don't think they are a bad thing, I just think that community libraries are perhaps a better use of resources. I suppose there is something to be said on either side. Myself, I never really used the school library. But I went to our local suburb library probably at least once a week for much of my childhood.

I remember graduating from having a children's library card to having an adult's library card. Children's cards only let you take books from the children's section, but adult cards cold take out any books. It felt like quite a big transition in my life!

I think the benefit of community libraries is that they can serve a wider group of people, so they can be bigger, they can have more specialised library staff, they can run fun reading events for kids, they can have a wider range of reading material, etc. I think putting specialised libraries in schools just limits access of those books to kids at one particular school, and duplicates the effort of running a library.

That said though, I grew up in a reading family with a librarian mother. So using the library has been the norm since as far back as I can remember. Perhaps for kids who grow up in families that don't use libraries, perhaps having a school library that they are encouraged to use will help form the habit of reading. Where maybe they would not have been exposed to larger community libraries.

But still, I favour community libraries. If they are running well, if they advertise. If they have good staff. They can even run projects in conjuction with local schools.

What do other people think?

What I really REALLY am in favour of though, is mobile libraries! Our local library was being rebuilt at one stage, so every Wednesday the mobile library used to come park in the parking lot of the shops a few block away from us. So on Wednesday afternoons we used to go get books from the bibliobus!

It was really just a minibus, with the walls lines with shelves of books. The books would rotate from a central library, so their used to be a different selection every week.

I think mobile libraries are brilliant because they give *everyone* access to books - they can rotate through different areas of a city, and also go to small towns and rural areas.

I googled to look for mobile libraries running in SA at the moment and I found some projects:
* The Mobile Library Education Project in Khayalitsha.
* A mobile library project in the Free State (followup info here).
* Mobile libraries in Limpopo.
* Donkey drawn mobile libraries?
* Even the ANC commends the use of mobile libraries!
* And I know I shouldn't laugh, but this is kindof funny: Please help us find our stolen mobile libraries.
* Finally, some general info on SA libraries.

The Bua article above says that "About 21 mobile libraries are currently visiting 380 schools in four provinces, Free State, Western Cape, Gauteng and KwaZulu-Natal on a daily basis."
21 doesn't sound like a lot! Better than nothing though, I suppose. Perhaps the mobile libraries need a "5 schools 1 mobile library 1 librarian" project!


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