I went to the talk by the guy who draws xkcd the other day, and it was pretty funny. Lots and lots of geeky jokes. And he is *famous* - people queue up to have their photo taken with him. Maybe it would be good to be famous, maybe it would be satisfying to have people hang on my words, put up posters about me, be in awe of me. That would proably be real good (note my American slang!) for my ego. I wonder if I'd be content with that? Maybe. But really, this xkcd guy, he's just a random guy. He's quite smart and pretty funny and into geeky things which is cool. And he draws a comic thats sometimes very funny... so there is nothing in particular that I'd like to emulate in him personaly. Its just that feeling of a thousand, probably many thousands, or people, approving of you. Admiring you.
But then I got to thinking, why do I want people to admire me, and approve of me? Surely if I'm happy with myself, a thousand praises would be nice and all, but I wouldn't need them to prop me up? And how will I be happy with myself? Because I know that I myself am a delightful creation of the Lord, who sees me as I am and accepts me afffectionately, and also because by the grace of God I live a life that is pleasing to him, or at least increasingly pleasing to him, I hope!!
Then I was thinking about accomplishment. I am hereby old, and it feels like I've achieved nothing with my life. Well maybe this is a bit easier to define for me... what would I like to have done? I don't know... help stop AIDS, changed peoples lives, made some amazing physics discoveries that change the way we see the world, advanced technology, helped eradicate poverty, fix the education system in SA, fix Home Affaris in SA, do something about the transport situation in SA, write some children's books about recentish South African history, commission a cartoon series about recentish South African history, do something significant to stop crime, have a degree from MIT, Caltech :)
I'm not sure, it could be lots of things. And I wonder if it would be satisfying to know that the world was a hugely better place because of me. I'm sure it would. But the thing with that though, is that its a bit addictive. Doing good things for people, doing great impressive things, thats fantastic. Aim for the stars blah blah and all of that. Definately. Lets do it, lets change the world. But if we rely on that to feel ok about ourselves, it becomes a bit empty and desperate eventually. There is always more you can do, there is always alot that you can't do. We're little people and when we realise that, its pretty freeing.
Anyway, Nicole puts it beautifully:
I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such'n'such ... it wouldn't matter much
I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy
I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthly list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy
Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...
Legacy, from Woven and Spun by Nicole Nordeman
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